| Monday, October 09, 2006 |
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I am so devastated at the midst of finding back my pink box in school today. This is the whole story: The moment when I reported in the morning at around 10 am, I just wanted to bring in all the stuffs from my pigeon hole outside the staff room. Just then, I noticed that there is only the paper bag there. I recalled that I asked my class monitor to bring down my paper bag together with my pink tool box containing my markers, paper clips, Incredi Reader Stamp, bell, pink highlighter, expensive red pen, and some other things. Suddenly, I felt so panicky. Where did the class monitor put my pink tool box. I have my paper bag intact at the pigeon hole. But no matter how much I looked into the pigeon hole, nothing in pink caught my eyes. I started searching at other teachers' pigeon hole. Then my pink tool box was not in sight too. I am calming my nervousness. I intended to go into staff room and checked out on my cubicle once again. Perhaps my class monitor helped me place on my table. But alas! Nothing is found as well. I started to think of possibilities. Maybe I did not ask the monitor to bring up to the staff room. It might be left in 3D classroom. So I made a trip to the classroom and seek Siti's permission to check on the teacher's table. Nothing was found again. This time, I found myself so sick. I knew I am having slight runny nose and lerthargic in the morning. If not, I will in school earlier than 10am to do my markings. My heart overrules my mind. I felt like losing my soul and felt numb all over my body. At the unpleasant moment, I gave up on marking. And I dun even start any markings. I am not motivated to do anything and just want to go into a deep sleep to calm my nerves. I decided to send a mass email to all my colleagues to kip a lookout for my pink tool box and even write this down on the whiteboard opened to all my colleagues. I have absolutely trust in this school that I can find back my stuffs. Cos the previous incident that I lost my thumbdrive in this school and it was found back. Unlike my previous practicum school, I lost two thumbdrives and none was found back. Feeling rather cold, I looked for Nisha, my best friend. She asked me to go back which coincided with my feelings as well. I was tired to say anything but still told her about how I felt. I had ulcers in my whole mouth, and oso did not have any appetite at all. I wanted to tell the doctor to give me two days MC. I got an MC for today nia. I stay at home, crying and slept for hours from 1pm to 7pm. Then my hubby came back and drove me to eat at Rail Mall there. All this while, I am worried about my Class pupils' studies. And I cannot be so selfish too. I know that I can be easily breakdown and even cry easily. Who wants to cry? Why the person who steal my things just does not have a heart at all. Other teachers place their personal belongings - their bags in pigeon hole and it was not lost at all. Why all this cruel things jus happen to me? Why I am treated so unfairly? I am in tears from 1pm right up to 7pm. and now currently, tears still dripping down as I am writing. My soul is lost in the wanders and pls dun ask me anything about my pink tool box. I deceived myself that I have found back but it does not work at all. My birthday wish that I made during my celebration on 8th October was simply 'Everyone must be in pink health.' Now I want to add in a new wish. My additional wish for my birthday: I want to keep everything that belongs to me including the pink tool box. I know that the moment I said it out, it may not be true. But the pink tool box cannot be found back le, given 1 day allowance for me. I knew it right at the start but stupid me, still constant thinking of it. I found that I could not grow up too. Simple things like this can depressed me. But not i wanted de, uncontrollable to me. I hope that I will be consoled and someone to stand by my side at this moment. Someone to have the same feelings as me. Really, I jus want that! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ||9:36 PM||
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