| Thursday, September 22, 2005 |
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In a math test, does it mean scoring is that important? I feel that I have tried my very best for my MM quiz 2. Actually, I have pinned high hopes to be able to do most of the questions. The instance of shocking and confused face is revealed when I read through the quiz paper. As a way of encouraging myself not to give up, I keep telling myself I can do it. I read through the question, taking note of the condition and a lot of thinking just goes through my mind. Under such quiz condition, I would not let lose myself. Working slow and steady on the first question until it reaches the 2nd question. This takes up a lot of courage when I first come across these questions. Who would not be frightened by it? It comes to a point when I am stuck in the repeating integration by parts. I tell myself not to give up the last hope even though the time is early. I look around me. My friends are all working consistently and none of them seem to look up around them. I look back at my paper. I have been asking myself a lot of questions but nevertheless, I cannot answer any of them. I find myself being sank to the deepest sea, almost feel like drowning. Why on earth I am sitting there, trying to deceive myself that I can do the questions when it is impossible for me to have done it. Am I just making myself feel better at that time? But the real fact is I am not concentrating, my tutor keep walking around and I find my concentrating power diverges. Calculus again??? Do I need to have the learning of Calculus over and over again. I supposed my concept of Calculus is either all forgotten or no effort is taken to remember/revise. I believed that even if I am to sleep at night, this moment will become my nightmare and keep haunting me. I do hope to forget but it creates an impact in my life when this is the first time which I nearly score a zero mark for my quiz. Hopefully, my working can earn me some marks to erase off my worse fears. Alright! Now is time to review on my other side of feelings...I am elated that my house is ready. This saturday and sunday, I will be giving my house a new look. Now is the time I can put in my effort to show others that I can have the experience in painting as well. Haha...Silly of me hor! This saturday, my hubby and I will be buying paints (maybe from nippon) then we will have to start our work. Getting chunks of newspapers and scotch or masking tapes to lay the floors ready for the painting job on sunday. It sounds easy but it is not an easy job at all. Then we will need to start off mending the cracks on the walls. And hopefully, we can finish early. We are considered lucky because we do not need to spend on hiring a contractor. My hubby has a gang of friends who will want to help us. Unfortunately, now most of his friends cannot make it or there is other reasons. Only one of his buddies is interested to help us. We are both glad and hope that we can work hard and finish before sun sets. That is our objective for the day. Now the headache comes for my assignment and lots more tutorial to be done. And even other projects as well. When can I really finished all? The deadline is coming near and I find myself more and more stress. Will I breakdown and be completely lost? Will I be able to survive this semester? Will I be able to pass all my math quizzes and tests? Why am I keep asking myself 'Will I'? Do I have severe low self esteem now? Do I have the uncertainity? Now all these questions become a routine question in my mind. Is this what my tutor called as metacognitive? Do I believe that I have the metacognitive skills? Or merely a junk thought? Whatsoever? I strived for the determination. Just as the phrase says, "Is now or never" which means if you don't work hard now, you may not be given the chance to work hard again. So the stress lies in the bond and the huge lump sum of money. What a headache again for reminding that? ||8:32 PM||
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