| Tuesday, August 09, 2005 |
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I am unhappy of the way my mother in law treats me. Is this how she wan to show off her power? Can't I even have my own opinion? Why everything must listen to her? Why my husband has to go accord to what she says? Why everything seems to oppose me? In front of the hatred I have for "F", She shows that she has done better than me. Why need to have all these so called "Showing off" in front of me? I feel bad and of course, who will feel happy? Asking me to wash dishes after meal if i still dun want to eat my dinner. I am jus out from my bathing and what u expect me to do... Rush immediate for dinner. I jus nid to apply lotion to my skin first mar. I tell that I will do it once I am done. And It does not take long. What the meaning of that? She just wants me to go for dinner first. And basically I am bursting with rage that I am bathing and she dun even know or so called "Acting Blur". Why? Now she is washing the dishes and is this the way of showing me that I dun do my job. I promise that I will do it. Why leh? I am hurt. No one knows and most importantly, I am pissed off. Dunno y? I just feel that I am small in this house. Even his sis shows me the face. I tink she supports her mum. Why? Is this what I want? I dun wish to write more. I just feel so hurt inside and painful too. I am not watching TV. Everyone is watching and I am feeling remorseful for not helping. Not because I dun want to help, is because she din give me chance. And she is washing now. Everyone is enjoying the National Day Celebration Parade on TV and I am sitting in front of PC trying to relieve my stressful lifestyle. No one I can convey my thoughts. I dun want make my hubby stressful too. I dunno why. I just feel so sad. No mood for everything even reading. Every mood swing I have seem to stand in my way. Am I too temperamental? Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Am I too deeply in thoughts? Am I not giving anyone a chance? I just feel like smashing my thoughts. I am internally hurt. Even today the IKEA visiting also cause me to be jumping madly in thoughts. Come to choosing suitable things for my new house. She also wants to interfere. I just wan my own preferences. Why dun give me a chance? Is my new house, my own home!!!!! WHY??????????? I am feeling so terribly upset when I cannot make my own decision. I want to tell someone my feelings and share my unhappiness. But no one gives me the chance. I feel so low self esteem and feel that this house dun seem to belong to me. I feel so lost. I am not given the chance. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ NATIONAL DAY SHOULD BE A HAPPY THING FOR ME, BUT IT SEEMS TO BE MY TERRIBLE DAY! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ ||7:51 PM||
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